HQXJC: Trying New Things
by Mrs.Volterra
Summary: The Joker upsets Harley Quinn (again), so she leaves him to stay with a friend- only it's not Red this time. Jonathan Crane, the Scarecrow and Jervis Tetch, the Mad Hatter, are old friends. Will Harley have a little fling with the Master of Fear? JohnnyXHarley
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Well, I don't know if any of you ship JohnnyXHarley, but I SOMETIMES do. Of course, my OTP is JokerXHarley, but I wanted to have some fun and do a fling between the Scarecrow and Harley Quinn. Please don't get mad if you ship the clowns, this is all for laughs(;**

**By the way, this chapter is inspired by "Off To The Races", by Lana Del Rey, who is the most amazing singer/song-writer EVER. She and Harley are actually pretty similar, too.**

**Disclaimer: Still don't own anything.**

A beautiful blonde wearing high waisted shorts and a white shirt walked around the store, sucking on a lollipop. She twirled about like a little girl as she plucked hangers off the racks, laying the clothing over her arm. An employee strolled over to her.

"You need any help, ma'am?" He asked, smirking arrogantly.

Harley paused, then dragged the lollipop out of her mouth slowly and seductively. The boy watched the motion, practically drooling. She pretended to think. "Aw, thanks for asking, kid, but I'm good. I'll be checking out in a moment."

He flipped his long hair, trying to be cool. "Sure. I'll be waiting." He winked and turned away. Harley rolled her eyes. He thought she would ever be interested in scum like him? Hell no. She was the Joker's woman, the most notorious criminal in Gotham, and probably the world. She sighed with longing. She still had ten minutes until she could finally see his perfect face again. And that was ten minutes too long. Enough to drive her crazy! She chuckled to herself quietly and made her way to the front of the store, groaning internally when she found herself at the register of the stupid child from earlier.

"I'm back!" Harley announced, plastering a fake smile on her face.

After scanning all of the clothes' pricetags, the boy looked at her with big eyes. "You really have enough to pay for this, lady?"

"What can I say?" She laughed. "I got a sugar daddy, of sorts."

His face twisted in disgust. "Oh." A bolt of anger ran through her.

"Oh." She mimicked. "You think I was a cougar or something? I'm outta your league, buster." She gave him a wad of bills.

A few minutes later, she was waiting by the street, searching the cars to see if she could spot her dearly beloved. A black car with tinted glass rolled up, until the window rolled down to reveal a grinning, pale-faced man with a fedora on. Harley squeaked with happiness.

"Want to hop in the car, little lady?" He asked, smooth voice low and seductive.

Harley fluttered her thick eyelashes. "Where you gonna take me, Mister?"

A deep, dark chuckle. "Anywhere you want, baby girl!"

"Sounds good!" She chirped. "Pop the trunk, Puddin'."

He obeyed, watching in the mirror as she piled bag upon bag into the back. He shook his head when she slid into the passenger's seat and gave him a quick peck on the cheek before he could stop her. He stomped on the gas pedal. "Where's the receipt?" The Joker sighed, sticking out his hand, and Harley handed over multiple sheets of paper. "Jesus Christ, Harl!" He shouted. "Do you really not care if we have to start living in a cardboard box on the side of the road? Remind me to give you a budget next time."

His henchwench folded her arms over her chest. "Excuse me, Mistah J, but I thought you wanted me to look good. My boyfriend is the best-dressed man in Gotham and he wants me to wear cheap clothes? That's a good gag, lemme tell you."

The Joker turned and backhanded her before turning back to the road. She cradled her cheek and glared at him for a moment before breaking into an adoring smile. "I missed you, Mistah J."

"You were gone for two hours, you dumb blonde."

Harley sighed and shook her head. "A moment without you wipes the smile of my face, Puddin'."

The Joker smirked, reaching over to pat her on the head. "You're a good kid, Harl, even if you're a terrible cook."

"I won't cook for you ever then!" She retorted, glaring at him.

"Watch your tone of voice, young lady!" He snapped back, then started gesturing wildly at her clothing. "And just so you know, you better not be wearing such revealing clothes in public next time, you hear? I don't like other guys to think I'm sleeping with some kinda floozy!" This prompted a sharp gasp of anger from his girlfriend, who instantly slapped him across the face.

"Listen up, Mistah J!" She yelled. "I ain't wearing any 'revealing' clothes! Just because women and your day covered up every inch of skin they had don't mean I have to! I'm a lovely-looking gal and I'm sorry if you can't learn to appreciate it." Harley then proceeded to open the door and tried to step out before the Joker grabbed her arm and pulled her towards him, furious.

He reached over and slammed her door closed and punched her in the face, all the while still driving, albeit dangerously. Other cars swerved to get out of his way.

"No, _you_ listen here, you useless, pathetic broad." The clown hissed into her ear, making her flinch. "You are _not_ allowed to go parading around with the goods on display. You're mine. It's bad enough that everyone thinks my girlfriend slept her way to a degree."

Tears sprang into Harley's eyes as she pulled away from him. He let her arm go and returned his focus on the road. She wiped at her face and tried to breathe slowly, feeling hot, burning anger.

Of all things, he had chosen to mention that? He knew exactly how much it had hurt her to hear people whisper about her when they thought she wasn't listening. Just because she was a short little blue-eyed blonde didn't mean she hadn't work as hard as everyone else in her class. Contrary to belief, she had earned her degree, and though she didn't really care about her old life, she regretted not having the nerve to stand up to anyone who thought she was a slut.

The rest of the drive home was silent.

xxx

When they arrived at the hideout, Harley got out of the car and slammed the door behind her. She did not bother to get her clothing from the car, marching into the building without a peep. The Joker merely waited a moment, then proceeded in after her, whistling jovially. "Hey, boys!" He greeted the henchmen, who were watching TV in the living room. "Anything happen while I was gone?"

They shook their heads. "Nah, Boss. It's been pretty quiet."

"Good." He nodded, then headed towards his office. It was always best to let Harley have her tantrum in their bedroom alone, as he had work to do and was not one who enjoyed headaches from her excessive crying and moaning. The Joker picked up a red crayon and giggled as he scribbled down another plot to humiliate his nemesis.

xxx

"Harley!" The Joker called absentmindedly from the room, studying the plan he was working on. "Get me something to eat!"

For a moment, he simply waited, expecting an adoring "Right away, Puddin'!" or "You got it, Mistah J.". But instead, he was greeted by silence, and he looked up. "Harley!" He shouted, louder. "Get your ass over here!"

He waited for the sound of little feet pattering as she rushed to his side. Yet again, there was no Harley and it was starting to aggravate him a little bit.

The Joker stomped out into the living room, frowning. "Where's Harley?" He asked Rocco, who looked a bit fearful. "I said, 'Where's Harley?'" He repeated, frown deepening quickly.

"I dunno…" Rocco replied.

"Uh, Boss, I know where she is." Henry ventured, putting his hand up meekly like a child in kindergarten class.

The Joker appraised him. "Go on," He prompted.

Henry looked at the ground. "Well, she, uh, had a buncha bags with her and just… left." He finished, running a hand through his brown hair. The Joker stared at him curiously.

"She left?"

"Yeah," He replied, worry lining his features. "She didn't say anything, though, we just figured you wanted her outta here for a little bit or something."

With that, the Joker strode into the hallway, throwing open the door at the end, disappearing into their bedroom.

It looked the same, so at least she hadn't gotten _extremely_ mad and ruined any of his things. He would have had to kill her if she had damaged any of his property.

The Joker scanned the room to see if there was any evidence that would indicate where his girlfriend had gone. Immediately, he spotted a small piece of paper on the bed. He went over and picked it up, reading the note, with an expression that went from calm, to confusion, to fury.

"That stupid, useless waste of space thinks she can do this?!" He shouted, grabbing a gun from the nightstand and firing at the wall in rage. In the living room, the henchmen flinched.

_J,_

_I don't think you realize how hurtful some of the things you said to me today were. Despite all that I have done for you, given up EVERYTHING, you continue to take me for granted and treat me very poorly sometimes. I am so tired of being disrespected like this._

_I've gone to stay with an old friend of mine. Please do not look for me. I will come back eventually, but right now, I really need some time away from you._

_Since I'm such a terrible cook, I know you'll be able to take care of yourself while I'm gone._

_Thanks,_

_Harley_

"That bitch ain't coming back eventually, she's coming back now so I can beat her scrawny ass!" He snarled as he crumbled up the sheet and pulled on his jacket. Still holding the gun, he left the room and headed towards the door, muttering angrily to himself all the while.

**AN: How was it? No Johnny yet, but perhaps next chapter(;**

**Oh, Joker, you KNEW Harley was touchy about the whole sleeping through college thing! Why'd you have to go being an asshole for?**

**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW, of course(: Seeya darling with the next chapter.**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: K, now we'll be seeing some of Jonathan! Yay! He's such a cutie…**

**Oh, by the way, I am writing this Crane as the one portrayed by the magnificent Cillian Murphy :***

It was raining outside, heavily, when a knock sounded at the door. Jonathan glanced at Jervis worriedly across the chess board.

"Who do you think it is?" He hissed softly.

Jervis shrugged. "Why don't you go and see?"

Pursing his lips and squaring his shoulders, he got up from his seat, ready to face whoever was at the door. He walked over, then swung it open, jaw dropping when he realized who it was.

"H-Harley?" He gasped in amazement.

Indeed, there was the petite blonde wearing sheer clothes that were clinging to her lithe body from the rain. She dropped the bag she was carrying and threw herself into Jonathan's arms and sobbed into his shirt.

"Oh, Professor, I- I," She cried.

He patted her back gently, still shocked. "It's alright, Harley, just come inside." He looked at Jervis, who gave a nod of permission. With that, he led the emotionally unstable girl inside the house. She continued moaning and wailing. Jonathan guided her to a chair in the living room, as Jervis got up.

"Cup of tea, Ms. Quinn?" He asked, delicately.

"I told you, it's Harley!" She replied. "And sure, Jervis. Thanks."

Jonathan sat beside her and studied her face, which was a mess, with the mascara smeared around. "Harley." He spoke gently. "Why are you here?"

"Well, Professor-"

"Jonathan, or Johnny, if you prefer." He interrupted.

Harley smiled, and took a breath. "Well, Johnny, I was wondering if I could stay with you guys for a little bit?"

"I thought Pamela usually took care of you when you got kicked out…" Jonathan said, puzzled.

"I ain't kicked out!" Harley retorted. "I left him, so we could take a little time out from our relationship. Mistah J said some things that hurt my feelings pretty bad."

He sighed, rubbing his temples as Tetch reentered the room, carried a tray with tea on it. His friend offered one to Jonathan, then Harley, who accepted it and started drinking. "Wow, Harley, I can't imagine what he did to hurt your feelings. You'd think beating you would be worse than something he said."

She shook her head. "Nope. He- he said…" She started crying a bit now. "He said he didn't like what I was wearing, because it was bad enough that everyone thinks I slept my way to- to a degree!" Her sobs shook her small frame, while Crane rubbed her back in attempt to sooth her. Inside, a piece of him seethed with anger at how the clown had mistreated her yet again. The poor girl was constantly being hurt by that monster again and again. He knew she deserved so much better.

"So why do wish to stay with us?" Jervis asked, still confused.

"Well, Mistah J'll be expecting me to go to Red's, so I figured I could hang out with you and Johnny. You're both so sweet. And I'm not allowed to go to Eddie's."

"Why not?" Crane asked, curious.

Harley bit her lip. "Mistah J gets really jealous when I hang out with other guys."

"I guess we're not guys then, thanks, Harley."

"No, no, but Puddin' thinks you're gay and, um…" She searched for a word.

"Nerdy?" Jonathan supplied with a dry laugh.

"Bookish, I guess."

"We're not gay, Harley." Jervis said, sighing.

"Just because two men live in a house together doesn't mean they're gay."

She nodded. "That's what I told him, but you know how he gets."

She kept on sipping her tea, glancing around the home and taking in the large, comfortable chairs, the huge bookcases filled with books (which she had no doubt the pair had read), and admired the homely feel they had given it. From her seat, she could see the beginning of their L-shaped kitchen, and they even had some plants that appeared to be real in pots scattered around.

"Real nice place, Johnny, Jervis." Harley said. "Can't imagine how long it took to make it look like this."

Jonathan smiled wryly. "It just took a canister of fear gas and some well-placed mind-controlling technology to convince everyone we could stay." Jervis chuckled. "And just so you know, you may stay as long as you wish." His eyebrows shot up as Harley jumped up and hugged him tightly again.

"You're the best!" She exclaimed, and he looked smug.

xxx

"Well hello, clown." Pamela snarled, teeth bared as she stood face to face with the homicidal maniac himself. "What brings you to my part of town?"

The Joker glared dangerously at the red-haired beauty and growled back. "I'm in no mood for this, Pammie." She watched as his hand gripped something in his pocket. She rolled her eyes. He was so predictable.

"What do you want?" She sighed. She didn't want to deal with this meatsack, who she hated more than Batman. Her plants missed her already.

He ignored her question and pushed past her into her home, eyes darting around rapidly. He cursed after a moment before turning to Poison Ivy quickly and grabbing her throat. He shoved her against a nearby wall and hissed furiously at her. "Where's Harley?"

There was no stopping the sharp look of surprised on Pamela's face. Her eyes bulged.

"You mean she left you?" She breathed, and laughed as his grip tightened. "Good for her!" She looked at him for a moment. "But I don't like the way you're treating me." She snapped, and instantly vines wrapped around the Joker and pulled him away from the Gotham Siren. Her eyes glowed as she cooed praises to her babies. "Thank you, darling." Ivy whispered to the plant and stroked it softly. She approached the Joker, who was chuckling.

"Oh, you and the plants. I still can't get over it!" He chortled and smirked.

Pamela's expression darkened. "For the last time, clown, I don't sleep with plants!" With that, the vines twisted further around his skinny, pasty form. The chuckle was more of a cough this time.

"All jokes aside," He continued, voice lowering dangerously. "I need to know what you've done with my property."

"She's not your property." She said. "And I don't know. But after what happened last time, I'm sure she's not with Eddie."

A look of anger flashed in his bright green eyes. His face twisted. "Harley wouldn't leave me to go be around a nerd."

Poison Ivy walked away from him, allowing the plants to relax slightly. The Joker followed, stride lengthy and smooth. "Say what you will, J, but personally, I think it's quite the gag. For as huge as your ego is, you get quite insecure whenever Harley starts to think for herself."

"Harley doesn't think." He scoffed, smirking. "She's a dumb, blonde floozy."

"Floozy, huh?" She asked dryly. "She's the most loyal girlfriend I've ever seen. 'Mistah J is the best!', and 'I can't imagine being without my Puddin'!'" She shook her head. "You have no idea, clown, how much that woman loves you."

Inside, Pamela was jealous. She was jealous of the fact that her best friend picked her boyfriend over everything else, including Ivy, and despite the fact that she was always there for the delusional blonde, she always ended up returning to the clown in the end. And, in some strange way, she was jealous of Harley's relationship status. For as beautiful a woman Pamela was, she was never with one man for long and ended up breaking it off relatively quickly. However, Harley had been with the Joker for seven and a half years, and though they broke up frequently, they still were together, in the end. Poison Ivy was unhappy and lonely, but she'd never admit it to her only friend or anyone else. She hated the fact that everyone else, sane and insane, had someone, but she didn't.

She pushed aside her feelings and regarded the Joker, who was no longer smiling and instead was glowering. "So what are you going to do, J? Let her run around with who knows, or go after her and find her?"

"I don't need Harley." He sniffed in disdain.

"I never said you did." She replied.

The tall, pasty villain turned and headed towards the door. "So I'm just going to go home and make plans to bring about the downfall of Bats. You know how close we are."

With that, he exited the auburn-haired vixen's home. Ivy watched him through the window as he slid into his vehicle, a black car with tinted windows. She sighed in relief as it screeched away.

"I hate that man." Pamela stated into her hideout, empty except for her many babies, who seemed to agree with her.

xxx

The Joker was muttering angrily to himself as he sped down the street. "Damn woman just leaves whenever she feels like it?" He asked aloud. "Oh, no, I'll show Harley who's boss." He abruptly pulled off the street he was on and kept driving.

He smiled nastily as he spotted the Iceberg Lounge, and cruised towards it.

"Guess I'll just have to ask around to see where a particular nerd with a horrible suit and tacky bowler hat lives…" The Joker giggled and stepped on the pedal.

**AN: Whew! How was it? I'm really thankful for the reviews I've gotten, so cookies for you all :* Next chapter we shall be visiting our favorite OCD villain… hehe.**

**Review, my darlings, give me feedback, advice, criticism, and ideas!**

**I appreciate it, so I'll continue to work on Chapter 3!**


	3. Chapter 3

"…and that's how I got Bud and Lou!" Harley finished, beaming, before bursting into tears. Jonathan patted her back, glancing at Jervis with hesitation in his bright blue eyes. "Oh, God, I miss Mistah J! He's always so sweet and kind and loving…" She wailed and accidentally brought her arm crashing into the tea set in front of her. "Oh no!"

The tea seeped into the carpet, turning the floor a dark brown color quickly. The china lay broken and scattered throughout the soggy mess. Harley's eyes were huge and began to fill with more tears as she sank to the ground and attempted to pick up the pieces, ignoring the sharp stabs of pain in her hands as they were cut by the remains of the tea cups.

"I'm so stupid!" She screamed. "No wonder nobody wants me! I'm so sorry, Johnny and Jervis, I'm a terrible person!"

Jonathan swooped down beside her and grabbed her hands, jerking them away from the jagged pieces she kept trying to pick up. He glanced in dismay at her hands- they were running with blood. "Harley, Harley, shhh." He comforted, wrapping an arm around her small shoulders. "It's okay, don't worry about it. We'll get this cleaned up later." He noticed Jervis's lips were pursed as he regarded his broken tea set. He shot his friend a warning glance. This was not the time to be getting upset over such trivial things.

"B-but I know how much Jervis loves his tea sets-"

The Mad Hatter interrupted her quickly. "It's fine, Harley, really. Don't fret so. We needed to get a new one anyways." Jonathan managed to contain his huge sigh of relief.

"I think you need to rest." He told her, guiding her down the hallway and turning at the second door on the right. He opened it and led the sobbing blonde inside. "You can sleep here, let me know if you need anything."

Harley glanced around the room, at the small, twin-sized bed, the tiny desk in the corner, and the white bureau nearby. Everything was either pink or white. Her brow furrowed and she turned to Jonathan, a puzzled look in her eyes.

"A young girl lived here, I think, before we moved in." He explained. At her worried expression, he rushed to add onto his statement. "We didn't hurt any children, of course, we would never."

She nodded and smiled weakly. "Thank you, Jonathan. I appreciate it. I'll be out of your hair soon. And tell Jervis I'm terribly sorry about the tea set. I feel awful." She sniffled.

"Stay as long as you like. We don't get many visitors, and you've always been welcome here. Your presence is very enjoyable." Jonathan cursed himself inwardly. He sounded stupid. "And Jervis can get over it." He paused for a moment, then abruptly leaned forward and gave her an awkward hug. She returned it, gripping him fiercely back. They released each other and stood quietly, before Harley surged onto her toes and pecked his cheek quickly.

"Thanks, Professor." She murmured, and he was stunned, face burning red. He shuffled backwards, stammering as he tried to leave.

"Um, um, goodbye…" The Master of Fear sputtered. He turned and swiftly exited the room, cheeks still a bright crimson.

xxx

The Joker strode into the Iceberg Lounge with his head held high, chin jutting into the air. Immediately, a hush fell over the other people in the room. A waiter practically flew to his side, eyes wide.

"Mr. Joker, sir?" He asked. "Is there anything I can get you tonight? Mr. Cobblepot has requested that you be treated with the utmost respect in hospitality."

The Joker waved a gloved hand in the air, shrugging nonchalantly. "I think I'm good for now. I actually came here to speak about an important matter with your employer." He bent down to the waiter's level and growled in a low voice into his ear. "Get him _now._" He chuckled as he watched the man scurry off in search of the club's owner. He glanced around the room in boredom, taking a pocketknife out and beginning to clean under his nails. However, at the sound of step approaching him, he looked up, a wide smile spreading across his lips.

"Pengers!" He boomed, as a short, stout form waddled closer. When Oswald got close enough, the Joker reached forward to pat his back, earning an annoyed look from his fellow Rogue.

"Joker." The Penguin greeted, and swept off his hat. "Lovely to see you, as always."

The clown frowned and tipped his head to the side. "You still mad about last time? I paid for the damages."

"The physical damages? Yes." He sighed in return. "But my reputation? This is my livelihood, Joker, the least you could do is refrain from setting half the building on fire."

"Grudges, grudges." The Joker shook his head sadly. "The past is the past, let it be."

His acquaintance tittered. "What do you need, anyways? And where's dear Ms. Quinn?" At the tightening of the Joker's jaw, he continued. "Has she _left_ you again?"

He swooped down to Cobblepot's level, voice dark and cautionary. "Listen, Ozzie, my business is _my_ business. Not yours. Harley's no concern to you." He straightened up and pulled on his suit, adjusting it. "I was just curious as to where a certain person may be located. I know you've got all kinds of connections, hm? Maybe you know where the guy I'm looking for is."

The Penguin scoffed. "What would I get in return? A bullet in the face from whoever's whereabouts I reveal?"

"Good one, Pengers. How about no bullet in the face from _me?"_

He swallowed slightly, a bead of perspiration forming on his forehead. He held up his hands in attempt to pacify the madman. "Okay, I'll cooperate. Who is it you're needing to find?"

The Joker bared his teeth. "The Riddler." He spat out.

"I'm sorry?"

"Skinny twig of a man, stupid green suit with question marks on it, ridiculous bowler hat-"

"I know who the Riddler is." Oswald interrupted. "I'm just surprised you want to find him, of all people."

The Clown Prince of Crime returned to cleaning his fingernails with the knife, eliciting a hiss from the Penguin.

"Put that away!" He whispered, sending a worried glance around the room. "You'll scare the customers!"

"What is it I said before, Ozzie? About my business?" The Joker asked.

"That it's _your_ business, I know, I didn't mean to pry." He put away the knife and locked his intense green stare with the Penguin's black, beady eyes.

"Exactly. So, where's the nerd?"

Oswald looked down as he grabbed his pocket watch. "He'll be here in any moment, actually."

The Joker looked surprised. "He's got reservations?"

"For two." He replied. "Is that where Harley's run off to?"

The Joker seized the collar of his shirt and brought his nose practically touching to The Penguin's. His eyes burned with anger as he sneered at the small, heavyset man. "She wouldn't even dream of being near that freak again. Got it?" He nodded and Gotham's most wanted released him. "Good boy." His gaze flashed up as he heard the doors swing open. From across the room, he watched two figures enter the room. One was tall and thin.

The Joker's stomach dropped as he saw the short, curvy woman clinging to the Riddler's arm.

**AN: Wait, whattt? Aw, darn, it's a cliffhanger! Sorry, darlings :* You know I love you.**

**And btw, I wanted to mention that though I am envisioning Cillian Murphy as Jonathan, the Scarecrow in this fic is NOTHING like the one from Batman Begins. First of all, Cillian's Johnny wouldn't ever live with Jervis, I don't think. And second of all, if he had the attitude and bitch face he did in Batman Begins, Harley probably wouldn't like him very much.**

**Thanks for all the reviews and favs and alerts! People are liking this more than I expected. Please, keep the feedback coming. It's very much welcome by me(:**


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